As a Certified Sex Therapist I’m always encouraging my clients to consider their intimate relationship as an entity in itself that needs feeding, nurturing and growth by both/all partners to continue a vibrant long-term erotic sexuality. I know it’s last minute shopping week for the holiday season and you’re hoping to get everyone in the family that special something they’ll love when they unwrap their gift. I suspect though that the last person you may be thinking of is a) yourself and b) your sexual relationship.
And because erotic triggers can be psychological, visual, auditory (hearing), emotional, gustatory (taste), olfactory (smell) as well as tactile (touch) as described in my Sari Cooper Sex Esteem webshow, I wanted to present a smorgasbord of holiday gift ideas for couples who want to take their sensual life to another level. You could even think of it as a series of stages to take you through the erotic and sexual experience.
Thanks go to The Pleasure Chest, the upscale sex toy shop and online store that carries beautiful items in a sex friendly atmosphere for sending me these wonderful items to review. Here are this year’s line up of holiday gifts to be either slipped under your partner’s pillow or in a private stocking hidden in the bedroom closet.
Gift List for the Happy Couple:
- Kinky Truth or Dare: This is a like Pick-Up Sticks for adults with each stick containing either a truth question or a dare invitation. I used to love pick-up-sticks as a kid and love the fact that the container and the sticks are black and red, reminding me of a tango dancer just demanding your focus. This is a great way to transition into a playful, flirtatious mood and perhaps find out some things about your partner that you actually didn’t know. An example of a truth question might be:
“Tell me about a part of your body I should get to know better” or
“Would you rather try a threesome or an orgy? Why?”
If you flip over the stick to the red side, a dare might declare:
“Pretend we’re in the back row of a crowded movie theater. Get me off with no one knowing”
“Take your phone and disappear. Call me for some dirty phone sex.”
While these requests are on the tamer side of what some people might call kinky they do get a couple flirting, revealing and whetting their appetite for sexy scenes outside their usual sexual script. It utilizes the psychological trigger to imagine scenes that play with consensual power and expanding where and how a couple can be sexual*
*Note it may be illegal in some states to be sexual and/or exposing certain body parts in public so do your research and make conscious choices.
- If you need to be teased through the tactile and psychological triggers to get into an erotic zone, Pleasure Chest creates an Awaken Your Senses Kit. The container is black, metal cylinder that looks like it holds a candle but inside are items to increase the sensitivity and anticipation of a power exchange game. It contains a black blindfold, 2 red satin wrist/ankle ties, a black and red feather tickler, a pinwheel and a mini massage candle. (A pinwheel creates sharp pricks sensation that might be experienced as painful for some and alerting to others). I love the way the candle wax melts into massage oil that can also be used to give massages or dripped on certain erogenous zones to get things heated up. The kit has enough to set up a warm-up scene in which one partner can take control and play out different types of sensations on the other’s body. I like the packaging that is not blasting its contents and the fact that it might be a convenient take-a-long when you go out of town for a night or a vacation. It would have been nice to include something tasty to suck on for those that like oral stimulation and a small thumb drive with music to set the scene.
- For those that are into jewelry and having a great vibrator, the gift that is modern, seductive, and handy when out on the town is the Vesper Necklace by Crave. For women who want their empowered sexuality combined with a beautiful necklace, the Vesper is an elegant gift. It comes in 3 finishes; silver, gold and rose gold and has a single small button that offers 4 types of vibrations and is quiet yet powerful. It’s long, sleek cylinder shape looks like something you’d find in an expensive designer shop or a modern museum gift store. It can be used with water based and oil based lubes (but not with silicone lubes) and can easily be washed gently with soap and water. It charges through a USB cable and can be used for both solo and partner play. This is a piece of jewelry that will make you feel full of Sex Esteem® on a date, a night out dancing with your girlfriends or brunch with your bestie. By wearing it you’re reinforcing your own pleasure, power and priorities in taking your desires into your own hands (and around your neck).
- Lastly, the latest vibrator created for hands-free stimulation during intercourse or for solo play or for long-distance play (I know you’re thinking what is she talking about? Don’t worry I’ll explain), the We-Vibe Sync is a beautifully shaped U-shaped vibrator that can be used during penetrative sex with a partner. It has one smaller arm for insertion into the vagina to stimulate your G-spot while the second arm has a flat rounded pad at the end that hooks up and rests on the clitoris and vulva area to give you double bang for the buck. Speaking of dollars, this baby will set you back about $199. 95 but may just be the best investment you make in your couple sex life.
In this latest model, the wearable vibrator has a stronger hinge that is able to be used by all types of body to attain a tight fit so that when you switch positions with penetration it doesn’t come popping or slipping out (a huge improvement on the older versions of this toy). It retains the position you set and different pulses can be chosen by pressing one button on top or by using the remote offering you more convenience and fluidity in the movement. The motor is powerful but quiet offering a variety of rumbly kinds of sensation that emanates out from the point at which it sits on your clitoris.
The other super feature is that it connects through an app called We-Connect which allows you to choose music, specific pulses or to have your partner who is out of town on a business trip choose these so you can have hot Facetime sex while physically in two different locations. I see many couples who are separated due to jobs being in different cities, work travel requirements or family emergencies. This app and toy allows for intimacy to continue and keep the ‘glue’ of your sex life to continue in a seriously fun sexy way.
It is rechargeable through a USB cable and the stand has a lovely egg shaped cover that can be left on a night stand and look like an air freshener. Finally, esthetically the design of the vibrator is made of a sleek smooth silicone either in purple and turquoise packaged in a beautiful box with a ribbon on top making it look like a classy candle.
This should be a fun-loving and sex holiday in addition to being one that also celebrates family. Ensure you leave some time for some erotic delight and play this holiday season.