“Eighty percent of women masturbate. Ninety-five percent of men masturbate. And the rest lie.”
This humorous but true quote comes from Jocelyn Elders, the former Surgeon General who was the first African American and only the second woman to be appointed to this position. She was also forced to resign by non-other than President Bill Clinton (yes, the president who was impeached who chose NOT to masturbate but instead have sexual activity with an intern) when she spoke honestly about the importance of including masturbation in sex education guidelines at the 1994 UN World AIDS Day Conference. As Mark Twain observed: “Truth is stranger than fiction” and given that May is International Masturbation Month, it’s wiser for therapists to approach the topic of masturbation in as direct and honest manner as the former and illustrious Surgeon General Dr. Elders. It is still surprising that the topic of masturbation is hidden by clients in therapy as a subject that is too private, guilt-ridden, and/or shameful. Masturbation is for most people a common and healthy sexual behavior that at times remains a taboo topic for them to even discuss, let alone to share with a sexual partner. Self pleasuring can be a great way to learn about what one likes and being able to vocalize that to a partner. If folks can’t be honest with themselves about what feels good, how can they effectively communicate their needs and desires to a partner?
Historical Contributors to Negative Views on Masturbation
Self pleasure has been seen, throughout Western history, as something that is actively wrong and immoral. Religious dictums, social stigma, and medical distortions created the narrative that masturbation is an act that should be condemned. Author Michael Patton wrote about how society arrived towards such negative views of masturbation in his journal article “Twentieth Century Attitudes Toward Masturbation”. In early Judeo-Christian history, early church members “regarded masturbation as a threat to the survival of the human race” and created doctrine to discourage those from self-pleasuring. As the world became more secular, the language used by the new authorities, namely the medical professionals (all male and mostly white) shifted.
According to an article by psychologist Kenneth Zucker, doctors declared that masturbation was the “primary etiology of insanity” while “Freud viewed masturbation as an actual neurosis, but also believed that it was important for psychosexual development from infancy to puberty.”
In keeping with the sexist notions around women’s sexuality of his day, Freud and generations of analysts who followed him aligned with his view that while it was normal for girls to experience sexual pleasure from their clitoris, adult women had to shift their focus exclusively to vaginal intercourse or risk suffering from psychological disorder like hysteria. The early 20th century community and political leaders (also mostly white men) followed suit, pointing to the solitary sexual activity as an antisocial sexual deviation
It wasn’t until the women’s movement in the 1970s that laypeople forced leaders and medical providers began the fight to stop the double standard around masturbation to alleviate women’s shame. Through consciousness-raising groups in the mostly white feminist spaces in the 1960s and 70s, women began sharing their experiences regarding lack of sexual pleasure through intercourse and learning about their own bodies. The late sexuality educator and pioneer Betty Dodson began offering her Bodysex workshops for women to learn how to appreciate and love their anatomy, learn the proper names of each part by using a mirror to examine their own vulvas and how to develop a self pleasure or what she called a solo sex practice. And while these workshops and her book Sex For One that followed in the 80’s opened doors to women’s internal sense of confidence and agency, women are still lacking in full sexual expression and pleasure in their sex lives due to what my colleague Laurie Mintz has called the “orgasm gap”. Why? Because there are people of all genders worldwide denied thorough, accurate, normalizing sexuality education and humans still live in a patriarchal heteronormative society that offers better education to people who belong to majority communities.
What Does Science Tell Us about Masturbation?
Even with these systemic stigmas, self pleasuring still remains important to a healthy sex life. Research shows that even in long-term, heterosexual relationships, women who are more open about self-pleasure can increase and help maximize both their and their partner’s sexual satisfaction. Specifically, women’s masturbation practices have been seen to have a positive correlation to a healthier partnered sex life. Solo sex practices are part of the principles of Sex Esteem®, is a sexual self-agency model utilized in clinical practice and the Erotic Intimacy Academy SEE IT Certification training.
There are many reasons why solo sex creates more enjoyable sexual experiences with a partner. Firstly, masturbating on one’s own promotes self-awareness. By exploring one’s body in a safe and private space, they can gain knowledge about their erogenous zones, the types of touch they enjoy, and their individual arousal patterns. This heightened body literacy can translate into more fulfilling partnered sexual experiences, as they become better equipped to guide and communicate with partners.
Secondly, acknowledging masturbation as a normal part of the human experience helps to reduce shame and stigma that has persevered for centuries. By bringing the topic into the light, without shame, one can challenge these negative narratives and foster a more positive and accepting view of one’s own sexuality. This destigmatization is so important for mental and sexual well-being. It allows individuals to feel comfortable and confident in their bodies.
Due to the prevalence of stigmas and shaming body-image messages that are spread and learned at viral speed through social media at ever younger ages, it is even more critical for parents, educators, and yes, psychotherapists to provide accurate, open, and non-judgmental spaces to initiate normalizing conversations about self-pleasure. Providing normalizing education around masturbation or solo sex (either on one’s own or in partnered sex) are imperative to stop the shaming and increase Sex Esteem® in intimacy.
