As the holiday shopping spree begins, here are a few tips for gift-giving:
- Focus on meaning, not the price tag.
- Prioritize shared experiences and connection over impersonal and trendy material gifts.
- Treat gift-giving as relationship care, not a burden.
Below are some of my favorite holiday gifts designed to be shared—either with a romantic partner or with someone with whom you’d like to build a deeper connection and vulnerability.
Each of these gifts highlights one or two of the 5 senses and/or emotional intimacy:
A poetic card game by Anne-Lorraine Selke and Jakob Wolski. 72 precise and playful prompts invite you to explore new ways to express yourself with touch. Play with lovers or friends, as innocently or intimately as you like.
Massage candle (with delicious scents, so this gift covers touch and smell) sold by Dame, a respected woman-founded sex toy company. This candle provides an ambiance that turns into tactile, scented, warm pleasure when the candle melts into massage oil.
Lelo vibrator for male and female identified partners TIANI™ DUO is a dual-action couples’ massager featuring two powerful motors working in tandem, resulting in a dual sensation transmitted to the clitoris and the penis. Because it bends easily, it can be used by all body shapes, helping both partners experience synchronized mutual pleasure. The technology allows partners to increase the intensity of the vibrations with the flick of a wrist using a remote control.
While most people might remember when this original list went viral when it was written about in the NYT a few years ago as how to fall in love (I was interviewed about it here: https://www.cbsnews.com/video/the-36-question-experiment-for-creating-intimacy/)
The original study was done between people who didn’t know one another, and their attachment to their conversation partner was measured after they had asked and answered these questions. So this is not about falling in love solely, but how to actively create closeness with another person.
This company is known for its sex wedge called the Liberator. They also make a larger cushion for bigger-sized folks to provide them with extra support.
It’s so important that folks of all sizes have accessories, clothing, and toys that support them in their pursuit of pleasure.
UnboundBabes makes this vibrator that can be used in and on any human body, which is great for LGBTQIA+ folks. It is very bendable, can be used internally in a vagina and/or anus, or externally on other erogenous zones, and can be shared after a simple soap and water cleanup.
Become a human canvas for a human body artist like Andy Golub.
Or get playful and invite a friend or partner to do an art session (in a warm location) where you and a partner paint one another with body-safe paint. It’s a creative experience that tingles the visual, tactile, movement, and perhaps sound senses if you put on your favorite playlist.
A remote-controlled vibrator, which is a fun one for couples who happen to be apart.
The Skin Deep offers thoughtfully designed question decks (e.g., Couples, Co-workers, Friends, Parents) that invite emotional honesty and vulnerability. The questions are grounded, sometimes playful, sometimes deep, and can be used between partners or close friends to foster meaningful conversation and connection.
I like this toy because both heterosexual and queer couples can use it during a date to create a simmer in a flirtatious manner. One partner can control the sensations with the remote while the other wears the vibrator in their underwear, turning an ordinary evening into something playful and charged. I also really appreciate the store itself. One partner can use the remote to control the sensations while the other wears the vibrator in their underwear, bringing the vibe. I also love the store, which is private and owned by an experienced seller who is a wonderful advisor and creates a safe, comfortable experience for shopping at her store.
At the end of the day, the most meaningful gifts aren’t about the price or perfection; they’re about the intention. Whether it’s a conversation starter, a sensual object, or a shared experience, a good gift says, “I see you, I thought about you, and I want to connect with you.” It is especially important during the holiday season, which can feel hectic and lonely. Choosing gifts that invite presence, play, and vulnerability can help strengthen connection long after the wrapping paper is gone.
