One of the common questions couples ask me when they come in for sex therapy is:”Why can’t we have the same kind of sex during the year that we tend to have when we go away?”
It’s a great question and the within the answer lies many ingredients to a healthier, more satisfying sex life among monogamous couples.
Vacations are planned to give couples adventure, relaxation or a combination of both. If they are family vacations, one of the purposes is have unstructured time with the kids away from the regular schedule of school, homework and after school classes. I was recently interviewed for an article on this topic by fashionwire.com Most long-term couples suffer from boredom, lack of time, and fatigue as they try to balance the stresses of work life, household responsibilities and their roles as parents if they have children. Most parents are facing this task as their children go back to school this month.
Part of the excitement of a vacation is in the planning. One thinks about all the different elements one wants as part of their vacation experience. Things like, great beaches, a historic castle or delicious cuisine can whet the vacationers’ appetite’s before even setting foot in an airport or in a car. Sex is no different. If one gave a bit more time to planning a sensual and sexual experience with the ingredients that stimulate one’s erotic triggers each partner could look forward with anticipation to the experience. One partner could put together a playlist of sexy sultry music to put on before a date. Another partner could tidy up the bedroom and lay a soft plush coverlet on the bed to bring about a tactile change to the experience. Whether it’s what you bring in to eat, massage oil to slather on your lover’s body, or a sexy piece of lingerie to where, all these details planned ahead add to the erotic experience.
Another element of vacations is more time to rest. According to the Center for Disease Control 30% of Americans are not getting the amount of sleep they need. I would add that those folks who still have jobs are probably working longer hours since the recession began as companies have not been hiring new employees and they are making up for the slack of laid off colleagues. When couples go on vacation they commonly take time to either sleep later in the morning and/or take naps during the day. So how do you get more sleep when you return home?
Just as you would book a babysitter or ask a family member to watch your kids while you go out for a date. You can ask whoever is caring for your children to take the kids out while you and your partner book a 3 hour time to sleep as well as perhaps have some intimate time without the worry that a little one will be knocking on your door, barging in, or that an argument will occur while you’re in your bedroom. This allows the bedroom to become a haven again of rest, peace and yes, sex.
Happy Fall, and remember to plan and take some ”nap dates” with your honey real soon.